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Life. It’s a funny old thing. It can bring you joy, happiness, pain and sadness. It can bring excitement, fear, pleasure and the unknown. But all these things are what makes Life worth living. And believe me, these past few weeks have made me realise just how precious life actually is. One moment you’re right in the middle of it, spinning in a whirlwind of everyday moments and grasping it with both hands. Then, all of a sudden, you’re gone. Gone. No longer living in this world. Just an empty shell of what you used to be. And that scares the shit out of me.

As you may all know, my Poppops died just over a month ago now and I was lucky enough to have been there for his final few moments. I’m not going to lie, it wasn’t a nice thing to watch and to be honest I will never get those moments out of my head. I can’t undo what I saw and I can’t pretend it didn’t affect me because it did.

You see, over this past year, I’ve changed a lot. As a family, we have been dealt some bad cards over the past 12 months and I’ve become a ‘Hater’ of life. I know that sounds a little odd but it’s the truth. I didn’t feel it was acceptable for me to be going out partying, seeing friends, going on dates and ‘Enjoying Life’ when more important things were happening at home. I got it into my head that if I put my own life on hold and focused on what was important and how I could help my family out then I’d feel better about myself and I’d maybe look at things differently. And I do. I do look at life differently to what I did this time last year, But, what I’ve come to realise is that no matter how much time and effort you put into making plans. Life can and WILL get in the way.

I didn’t anticipate that a very important man in my life would lose his own through a fall. I didn’t expect to be faced with the prospect of losing our home or that my Nana would be diagnosed with Dementia and deteriorate so quickly. It’s safe to say that as a family, we’ve had it tough this past year. Sometimes, I just want to run away to the tallest hill I can find and scream at the top of my lungs until I can scream no more.

But, despite all of this, despite all the tears I’ve cried and the friends I have lost, I wouldn’t change it for the world. I’ve learnt how to deal with my feelings and emotions. I’ve learnt that I’m stronger that I ever thought I was and I’ve learnt that people won’t wait around for you whilst you’re busy figuring out your next move.

So, all I’m trying to say is LIVE LIFE! And enjoy it. Grasp every moment and opportunity you can. Make memories and laugh often because tomorrow it could all be a different story. Despite this utter crap year I’m determined to pick myself up and carry on. I don’t want to feel sorry for myself anymore. I don’t want to put my life on hold anymore. It doesn’t change what’s to come. I want to plaster on a smile, stand up tall and kick life in the balls!

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“Life has knocked me down a few times. It showed me things I never wanted to see. I experienced sadness and failures. But one thing’s for sure, I always get back up!” 

Come 11:59PM on the 31st December 2015, I won’t be making any New Year’s Resolutions. I won’t get upset leaving 2015 behind and I definitely won’t be allowing any negativity to enter my head. I will be surround by friends and family, Wine in hand, singing to some silly song and toasting in the New Year. What about you?

Sincerely, Sophie x

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